"2026 GOP Mid-Term Convention Schedule"

9:00 a.m.: Opening prayers condemning gays, feminists, Muslims, "abortionists," 
Arabs, the ACLU, "pagans," lesbians, and everyone else who isn't white MAGA

9:15 a.m.: Pledge of Allegiance to Israel. Sponsored by Israel.

9:30 am: Morning Devotional to His Holiness Donald J. Trump of Mar-A-Lago

10:00 am: Opening Ceremony: Pat Boone accompanies Lee Greenwood singing 
"I'm Proud to be an American" during raising of the Confederate flag

10:30 am: Stephen Miller: "Are Elections Really Necessary?"

11:00 am: Justice Clarence Thomas: "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"

11:15 am: Accounting for Beginners -- "Tax Cuts and Needless Foreign Wars 
are Good for Deficit Reduction"

11:30 am: GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Byron Donalds, John James, 
Wesley Hunt and Burgess Owens (all leaving Congress in 2027)

12:00 noon: Mid-Day Devotional to His Holiness Donald J. Trump of 
Mar-A-Lago

12:30 pm: Singing of "God Bless America" and big screen projection of 
"Blue Angels" fly-over

1:00 pm: Acting Labor Secretary Keith Sonderling: "Economic Growth Through 
Migrant Deportation and Job Exportation"

2:00 pm: Attorney General Todd Blanche leads ceremonial burning of the Bill 
of Rights

3:00 pm: Unveiling of "Project 2029: The Final Solution to Imperialism" by 
the Heritage Foundation

4:30 pm: Group cheer -- "Global-warming-schmobal warming!"

4:45 pm: Announcement: Donald Trump to be added to Mt. Rushmore

5:00 pm: HHS Update: RFK Jr. on the benefits of explosive diarrhea

5:30 pm: Vice-President J.D. Vance: "Why I'm Both For and Against the Iran 
War At The Same Time"

6:00 pm: Dinner Break: Texas-Style Endangered Species Barbeque

7:30 pm: Vote on motion to put image of Donald Trump on one dollar bill

7:45 pm: Evening Devotional to His Holiness Donald J. Trump of Mar-A-Lago

8:00 pm: Keynote Speaker: Pres. Donald J. Trump: "Why Affordability is a 
Democratic Hoax"

11:00 a.m.: Closing prayers condemning gays, feminists, Muslims, "abortionists," 
Arabs, the ACLU, "pagans," lesbians, and everyone else who isn't white MAGA

11:30 pm: Black Market Assault Rifle Silent Auction

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