SARAH PALIN's "LOST" CONCESSION SPEECH!


Oh, jeez. Thank you. Jeez. Thank you. Jeez. Thank you. Thank you. Jeez.

My fellow Americans. I have three important words to say to you tonight:

Not. My. Fault.

Seriously: Look at John McCain over there. We never had a chance. He 
couldn't have won this election if I were Megan Fox in a bikini made of 
old "National Reviews."

Oh, don't worry. That old moose can't hear a damn thing over there. Look 
at him smiling. Hey, maverick: Nice work on the economy! See? He can't 
hear.

But hear me tonight, America. You haven't seen the last of me. I may 
have been part of the losing team tonight, but like Jean-Claude Van 
Damme said in my favorite movie, "Kindergarten Cops," I'll be back.

And next time, I'm doing it my way. No talking points. No sit-downs with 
Katie Couric -- who watches the CBS Evening News, anyway? Katie, I still 
haven't gotten you thank-you note for saving your job.

I'm not dragging my family around with me again, either. Look at poor 
Todd. The hunky bastard hasn't tasted elk shit or greased a snowmobile 
chain in four months. My kids are angry, pregnant or both. Trig's been 
passed around onstage more than a Koran an an elite Washington media 
party.

But I'm coming back, America, because I care. I want our children to 
grow up knowing America is a place where they can own a semiautomatic 
and not "Catcher in the Rye." I hate that Jesus gets less love in our 
schools than a stegosaurus. I care than on any given day, my neighbors 
in Russia (hi!) are planning a radical-Islamic takeover of our country 
with PETA and Planned Parenthood. Bet you didn't read about that in any 
newspaper, Couric.

So see you soon. I've got your love, your attention and a pile of 
pantsuits from Saks Fifth Avenue.

God bless America. Everyone except Bill Ayers and Keith Olbermann.

OK, your stage, old guy. No more hugs, I'm cutting you off.

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