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"A Seventies Dictionary"

Dozens of the words we used today come from the names of real people. For
instance, "sandwich" is named after the Earl of Sandwich, "bloomer" after Amelia
Blomer, and "zeppelin" after Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin. You never know when
someone's name is going to become part of our language and get in the
dictionary, but there are a lot of celebrities today who have a good chance. In
fact, MAD believes it's time that Noah Webster immortalized these current-day
big-shots with an updated "Seventies Dictionary"...


abzug (ab-zug) n.: a violent eruption, such as from a volcano. ("Run for
your lives or the abzug will get us!")

agnew (ag-nu) v.i.: to turn out differently than expected; to boomerang.
("The ball agnewed and hit him in the face.")

ali (al-e) adj.: made of clay.

brando (bran-do) v.i.: to speak incoherently; to mumble. ("Who can
understand him, the way he brandos!")

buckley (buk-le) v.i.: (1) to make a succession of right turns until one
returns to the original position. (2) adj.: intellectual to the point of
being incomprehensible.

carson (kar-son) n.: a glib huckster. syn.: griffin, cavett, bishop (obs.).

chiang (che-ang) n.: a small, broken fragment of antique china.

cosell (ko-sel) v.i.: (1) to infuriate an audience by speaking in a tiresome
manner. ("He coselled until twelve million viewers turned off their sets in
disgust.") (2) n.: an inflammation of the mouth. ("'I thought it might be
strep, but it's only a cosell,' the doctor said.").

eagleton (e-gul-tun) n.: anything supported 1000%.

faisal (fi-zul) n.: an energy crisis. ("We can't turn out the lights, baby,
because of the faisal.")

fischer (fish-ur) n.: a victory without a winner.

fonda (fon-duh) n.: (1) a parent bewildered by the generation gap. (2) to
take a wild ride, esp. on a motorcycle. (3) a peace chant intoned by North
Vietnamese in times of war. (4) a war chant intoned by North Vietnamese in
times of peace.

friedan (fri-dan) adj.: unresponsive to the needs of man. ("His marriage,
alas, was friedan and doomed.")

getty (get-e) see "onassis."

hughes (huz) n.? adj.? meaning obscure.

humphrey (hum-fre) v.i.: to speak in a single breath a sentence of more
than fifty words covering six or more topics. ("He humphreyed, but, as usual,
no one listened.")

irving (ir-ving) n. (1) a tall tale. (2) a cliff-hanger.

kunstler (kunst-lur) n.: a mouthpiece for blowing one's horn.

leary (li u re) n.: an unidentifiable flying object. ("It's a leary," the
navigator said, "and it's gaining on us.")

lindsay (lin-ze) v.i.: to party-hop.

liz (liz) adj.: split; severed; disconnected.

lovelace (luv-las) n. a union of two or more people; an unlimited
partnership.

mao (mow) n. a Chinese staple, usually consumed with rice. ("An hour after
having our mao, we were hungry again.")

neuman (nu-mun) n.: (1) an unexpected disaster. (2) adj. - nothing. ("It was a
neuman year.") (3) v.i. - ("What, Me neuman?")

nixon (nik-sun) n. (1) a busted football play (2) an illness lasting six
years. ("'You must let the nixon run its course,' the doctor said.")

onassis (o-nas-is) n.: an ancient unit of wealth, five of which equal one
"getty."

plimpton (plimp-ton) v.t.: to imitate poorly something done expertly. ("I
thought he was action, but all he could do was plimpton.")

puzo (pu-zo) v.i.: to make someone an offer that's impossible to refuse.
("The shotgun in his face told him it was a puzo.")

rainier (ran-ya) v.i.: ruling with grace.

redgrave (red-grave) n.: any species of English bird exhibiting peculiar
mating habits.

riggs (rigs) n. (1) a female impersonator. (2) an old pretender to the throne
of a king. ("The court bowed to the riggs, but the king did not.")

roth (roth) n.: a four-letter word.

sadat (sa-dat) n.: a hot wind of the desert, which blows hard but goes nowhere.
("Get back on your camels; it's only a sadat.")

spitz (spits) v.i.: to worship one's self. ("While others prayed to God, he
spitzed.")

spock (spok) interj.: the cry of a spoiled child. ("One more spock and you can
say bye-bye to Sesame Street.")

susskind (sus-kind) n.: a liberal dose difficult to swallow.

tim (tim) n. (1) a male camp follower. (2) a female camp follower.

unitas (u-nitas) n.: a colt put out to pasture.

wayne (wan) adj.: saddle-sore.

welch (welch) n.: a well-stocked chest. ("Her welch would sustain her through the
winter.")

welk (welk) adj.: rockless. ("Everywhere we looked it was welk and flat.")


- from MAD magazine, (c) 1974 E.C. Publications, Inc.

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