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"Recipe for Better Crocked Brownies"

by Michelle Burroughs


WARNING: This recipe requires a bit of menial labor so it is recommended that
preceding this culinary experience, you inhale some large bong hits to
decrease the monotony.


INGREDIENTS:

* 2 boxes of your favorite brownie mix -- and all the ingredients. You are
going to follow the recipe on the back of the brownie box but there will be
one small addition. When it calls for the oil you will use the pot butter
instead. If the recipe calls for 1/3 cup of oil, use 1/3 cup of butter or
margarine plus the pot.

* 1 quarter of mid-grade pot. (If you've just bought some sensemilia, don't
bother baking, just load up a big bowl.)

ACCESSORIES:

* 1 Frisbee or album cover

* 1 Student ID card, or a matchbook will do

* 1 Coffee bean grinder, ar hammer it into a pulp with something, you know,
like a hammer and some paper towels.

When choosing your brownie mix make sure that the recipe calls for oil; I
don't recommend getting the kind with frosting because these brownies are
really rich and the frosting will make you want to puke.

At some point *the pot needs to be cleaned*. This is when the bong hit comes
in. This can be a very pleasurable and rewarding experience if accompanied by
your favorite TV show, like and episode of "The Beverly Hillbillies." Use
your ID card and the Frisbee to clean the pot. Remove all of the stems and
seed you can. This takes the "woody" taste out of the brownies.

Throw the pot into a COFFEE GRINDER so it comes out in a powdered form. After
you have smoked the pot, add the butter; put in in a pan to slowly simmer.
This process will take about 3 hours. The best time to do this part is on a
Saturday morning around 10:00. This way there is about an hour of CARTOONS
and then a JAPANESE MONSTER MOVIE comes on. This task does take a little
skill because the butter cannot be allowed to burn, so I recommend putting it
on the lowest setting and stirring every ten minutes or so. When GODZILLA
DIES, you know your butter is ready. Now just follow the recipe that's on the
back of the box!

Another hint: make sure that there are alternate munchies around, because
when your brownies kick in, you don't want to forage on too many of them.


- from Dazed and Confused (St. Martin's Press, New York, 1993).

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